New Years Eve 2010
In all honesty, I hadn't given much thought to the new year. I had been busy with work and my brain was also occupied with anticipation of my trip to Lynn Haven, FL to visit my best friend! I rarely see her anymore b/c she lives in Texas with her new husband, so I was beyond excited to make the trip to the gulf. Penny texted a few days before, to finalize times of arrival and she mentioned the plan of her dad taking us all out to the shooting range to fire some guns. These plans kind of made me a bit nervous since I have an unhealthy fear of firearms and I hate loud noises. So putting the two together in one outing had the potential to put me over the edge. But, I made plans to jet out of town a few hours earlier than originally planned so I could be a part of the gun shooting festivities.
As usual, I was rushing around to leave by my personally set 8:00 am eastern standard departure time and ended up throwing the last of my luggage in at about 9:00 am. I wondered if I, in fear, subconsciously delayed my leaving so I could potentially miss making it to Florida in time for the gun firing activities. But then I remembered that I'm perpetually late and have very little concept of elapsed time (kind of like a dog I guess) and congratulated myself for leaving by 8:00am central standard time, since that was the time zone I was driving to anyway.
As I drove to Florida, to get my mind off of my irrational fears of a gun spontaneously combusting w/o me even touching it, I popped in an audio book by Donald Miller that I had I borrowed from the used bookstore I work at. This book was a God-send. It came in about 3 days before I left and God must of known I'd need some entertainment on my drive, plus I am half way through reading this book, which made it even better, now i can drive and read. Two birds, one stone. This book, Through Painted Deserts, did the trick of transporting my mind away from my weaponry fears and reigniting my crush on Donald Miller. I imagined him in my car driving to Florida with me and rambling on in person to me, like he rambles on in his books. And then I imagined, how awkward I would be and how I would fumble over my words to him, b/c I'd be so nervous and intimidated by him that I would say something stupid or inappropriate like "will you marry me?" Either way, I would've been happy to have his company, and he seems nice enough and like he's said enough dumb stuff in his life to the opposite sex, that he would probably shrug off my conversational awkwardness and find a way to redeem the moment w/o me feeling like a total tard. At least, that's how I imagine it would go. I could also see him, making fun of me about it too.
The drive down went by pretty quickly and as soon as I arrived Mr. P was loading up the guns into the car and Mrs. P was doing her thing of pulling left overs out of the fridge so I could quickly stuff my face before heading back out the door to hold guns and shoot them and stuff. I suppose we all exchanged hugs and said hello and talked about how good it was to all be in the same place together (me, Penny, Charlie, Bobi, Mr. P, Mrs. P) but I think my fears must of blocked out all of that. I was still stuffing leftover Christmas candy in my mouth as we crammed into the car and backed out of the driveway. And before I knew it, I was at the point of no return. I was going to shoot a gun today, whether I liked it or not; no turning back now. There was definitely no way I was going to chicken out and watch everyone else fire bullets at paper assailants. I was going to take down a fake criminal too.
Being the only one in the car who had not shot a gun before Mr. P focused his attention on me and gave me a quick tutorial on gun safety and handling while we drove out to the range. He made Charlie open the glove compartment and pull out a small .38 for me to hold. This alone made my muscles tense up and my face lose its color. I didn't want to touch it, but I had to, and I held it flat in the palms of my hand, barrel facing the window. I was afraid that any slight movement would make this bullet-less gun magically create a bullet, fire itself and shatter the window in our car and the car next to us and possibly take out a stray dog.
In all honesty, I hadn't given much thought to the new year. I had been busy with work and my brain was also occupied with anticipation of my trip to Lynn Haven, FL to visit my best friend! I rarely see her anymore b/c she lives in Texas with her new husband, so I was beyond excited to make the trip to the gulf. Penny texted a few days before, to finalize times of arrival and she mentioned the plan of her dad taking us all out to the shooting range to fire some guns. These plans kind of made me a bit nervous since I have an unhealthy fear of firearms and I hate loud noises. So putting the two together in one outing had the potential to put me over the edge. But, I made plans to jet out of town a few hours earlier than originally planned so I could be a part of the gun shooting festivities.
As usual, I was rushing around to leave by my personally set 8:00 am eastern standard departure time and ended up throwing the last of my luggage in at about 9:00 am. I wondered if I, in fear, subconsciously delayed my leaving so I could potentially miss making it to Florida in time for the gun firing activities. But then I remembered that I'm perpetually late and have very little concept of elapsed time (kind of like a dog I guess) and congratulated myself for leaving by 8:00am central standard time, since that was the time zone I was driving to anyway.
As I drove to Florida, to get my mind off of my irrational fears of a gun spontaneously combusting w/o me even touching it, I popped in an audio book by Donald Miller that I had I borrowed from the used bookstore I work at. This book was a God-send. It came in about 3 days before I left and God must of known I'd need some entertainment on my drive, plus I am half way through reading this book, which made it even better, now i can drive and read. Two birds, one stone. This book, Through Painted Deserts, did the trick of transporting my mind away from my weaponry fears and reigniting my crush on Donald Miller. I imagined him in my car driving to Florida with me and rambling on in person to me, like he rambles on in his books. And then I imagined, how awkward I would be and how I would fumble over my words to him, b/c I'd be so nervous and intimidated by him that I would say something stupid or inappropriate like "will you marry me?" Either way, I would've been happy to have his company, and he seems nice enough and like he's said enough dumb stuff in his life to the opposite sex, that he would probably shrug off my conversational awkwardness and find a way to redeem the moment w/o me feeling like a total tard. At least, that's how I imagine it would go. I could also see him, making fun of me about it too.
The drive down went by pretty quickly and as soon as I arrived Mr. P was loading up the guns into the car and Mrs. P was doing her thing of pulling left overs out of the fridge so I could quickly stuff my face before heading back out the door to hold guns and shoot them and stuff. I suppose we all exchanged hugs and said hello and talked about how good it was to all be in the same place together (me, Penny, Charlie, Bobi, Mr. P, Mrs. P) but I think my fears must of blocked out all of that. I was still stuffing leftover Christmas candy in my mouth as we crammed into the car and backed out of the driveway. And before I knew it, I was at the point of no return. I was going to shoot a gun today, whether I liked it or not; no turning back now. There was definitely no way I was going to chicken out and watch everyone else fire bullets at paper assailants. I was going to take down a fake criminal too.
Being the only one in the car who had not shot a gun before Mr. P focused his attention on me and gave me a quick tutorial on gun safety and handling while we drove out to the range. He made Charlie open the glove compartment and pull out a small .38 for me to hold. This alone made my muscles tense up and my face lose its color. I didn't want to touch it, but I had to, and I held it flat in the palms of my hand, barrel facing the window. I was afraid that any slight movement would make this bullet-less gun magically create a bullet, fire itself and shatter the window in our car and the car next to us and possibly take out a stray dog.
Earmuffs
At the range I was relieved to find out there were ear muffs (i'm sure they are called something manlier and tougher than that) to quiet the bang of the guns. We all donned our new head pieces and glasses and Mr. P continued to teach us gun safety and how to handle the weapons and how to fire. He called me out first and with much reluctance and I think some protest, he said I was up first. I really wanted to see and hear one being shot first, so I could get an idea of the sound and what it would look like. But I was not given the option. Mr. P stood beside me the whole time explaining each detail, where to put my hands, fingers, thumbs; which eye to close to aim and how to gently pull the trigger back and shoot. I was all ready to go, gun aimed at target, right eye closed, finger on trigger. It was a .22, which I learned was easiest to shoot. Mr. P gave the go ahead and all I had to do was pull the trigger. Much easier said than done. I couldn't stand there all day; I had to do it. And so with both eyes shut I'm pretty sure, I did it. My brain somehow overcame my utter terror and told my index finger to pull the trigger, and bang, I hit the target! It felt good. I would've been satisfied with that one shot in the moment, but much like the day had gone, I was encouraged to go a littler further beyond what I thought capable and told to fire a few more rounds. Then out of nervous excitement mixed with some remaining fear, I handed the gun over and said I'm done for now. My friends cheered, and I felt proud of myself.
Mr. P coaching me and in general making me feel better about shooting guns.
A hint of confidence began to settle over me as everyone else took a turn at the .22. Then Mr. P said it was time to move up to something more powerful. The same emotions of fear, the same encouragements to shoot, and the same pride happened again as I shot a .38 special. After that, we moved up to a .40 caliber. Holy moly, talk about power; I was not a fan of this one. I couldn't hit the paper target to save my life. Literally, we kept moving closer and closer to the target. To say I was bad at shooting this one would be a gross understatement. At the very end of the day, Mr. P pulled out a mama jama gun, a 500 magnum. Apparently this is the largest hand gun in the world. Charlie wanted to shoot it. And while he shot, Penny decided she needed a piece, and then b/c I'm competitive and everyone else is doing it, I decided to give it a go too. I walked out to Mr. P who was holding the big gun. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to fire this one, and I said, not really, but I wanted to anyway, if he didn't mind. He handed it over, coached me through holding it (this thing was heavy). It had a scope on it (I think its called a scope), and when I looked through it, all I saw was black, but as soon as I caught a glimpse of the red on the target, I braced myself and fired. I nailed the paper perpetrator in the head! That was an intense gun to fire. And with that, I ended my firearms day. Mr. P just chuckled and told me that its not normal for a person who had never shot a gun before go from a .22 to a 500 magnum in one day. I figured "when in Rome".
A hint of confidence began to settle over me as everyone else took a turn at the .22. Then Mr. P said it was time to move up to something more powerful. The same emotions of fear, the same encouragements to shoot, and the same pride happened again as I shot a .38 special. After that, we moved up to a .40 caliber. Holy moly, talk about power; I was not a fan of this one. I couldn't hit the paper target to save my life. Literally, we kept moving closer and closer to the target. To say I was bad at shooting this one would be a gross understatement. At the very end of the day, Mr. P pulled out a mama jama gun, a 500 magnum. Apparently this is the largest hand gun in the world. Charlie wanted to shoot it. And while he shot, Penny decided she needed a piece, and then b/c I'm competitive and everyone else is doing it, I decided to give it a go too. I walked out to Mr. P who was holding the big gun. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to fire this one, and I said, not really, but I wanted to anyway, if he didn't mind. He handed it over, coached me through holding it (this thing was heavy). It had a scope on it (I think its called a scope), and when I looked through it, all I saw was black, but as soon as I caught a glimpse of the red on the target, I braced myself and fired. I nailed the paper perpetrator in the head! That was an intense gun to fire. And with that, I ended my firearms day. Mr. P just chuckled and told me that its not normal for a person who had never shot a gun before go from a .22 to a 500 magnum in one day. I figured "when in Rome".
That's the huge mama jama gun!
Later that night I reflected on my day and how nervous I was to start off with and how much fun I had once I finally pulled the trigger. And it made me think about how in life, I have moments to "pull the trigger" and how sometimes I get overly fearful about it too. And once my brain finally communicates with the rest of me and I just go for it, I realize my fear could have prevented me from experiencing something amazing, fun, adventurous, or life changing... I also wondered about the times I let fear take control and I don't "pull the trigger", and instead I sink into my safe life, doing my safe things and not trusting my God enough with my life and the outcome of my choices when I do decide to make a bold decision and go for something bigger than me. And how unfortunate it would be to miss out on something amazing, fun, adventurous, or life changing.
Later that night I reflected on my day and how nervous I was to start off with and how much fun I had once I finally pulled the trigger. And it made me think about how in life, I have moments to "pull the trigger" and how sometimes I get overly fearful about it too. And once my brain finally communicates with the rest of me and I just go for it, I realize my fear could have prevented me from experiencing something amazing, fun, adventurous, or life changing... I also wondered about the times I let fear take control and I don't "pull the trigger", and instead I sink into my safe life, doing my safe things and not trusting my God enough with my life and the outcome of my choices when I do decide to make a bold decision and go for something bigger than me. And how unfortunate it would be to miss out on something amazing, fun, adventurous, or life changing.
Me and Penny
i love your God analogies to your life moments - awesome to see what god's teaching you.. sorry for bad typing - baby falling out of arms. . .
ReplyDeletePlease don't drop Kolter. I'm glad someone enjoys my little stories and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI hope to get up there soon to see ya'll and hold the baby and hug your necks.